Worst Dressed at the 2011 Golden Globes

This year, the red carpet was a hot mess.  Let’s check out who wore the messiest of the hot messes.

Sandra Bullock

Everything about this look appears to be drooping or heading south.  The dress is saggy, it’s a boring color.  Her bangs are hanging down in her face.  She killed it almost every time last awards season, but this year was a disappointment.

Julie Bowen

I actually kind of like the structure of this gown.  However, I hate how ragged those little “flowers” around the skirt and the bust line look.  Like a bunch of wadded tissue.  Then there’s the color and pattern of the material.  It looks like the upholstery on a Goodwill couch.

Kevin McHale

Kevin always tries to go the extra mile to stand out on the red carpet.  Usually his choices are edgy but just classy enough to make him look dapper.  Not this time.  The polka dots on shiny material that make up the suit jacket are tacky tacky tacky.  Looks like he got a bottle of White-Out thrown at him.

Helena Bonham-Carter

Helena looking crazy, what’s new, right?  This outfit has multiple personalities – the top is a different print than the skirt, the shoes are different colors.  It’s not just unique, it’s insane.  She looks like the Wicked Witch of the Vivienne Westwood.

Natalie Portman

I was excited to see how the very fashionable Natalie would handle maternity wear on the red carpet.  It was a let-down, to say the least.  A bland ivory dress with a garish rose at the bust?  Not only is it boring, it’s ugly as sin and it kind of reminds me of a grocery store cake.

Emma Stone

This one was particularly disappointing, for me.  I love Emma.  But not only was her blonde hair a shocker (and it made me have Lindsay Lohan flashbacks), but she combined two of the biggest (blandest) trends on the red carpet this year – sleeves and a peach/beige color – to make one ugly outfit.  The color barely even registered on my television.  She looked like a nude smudge.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Girlfriend looked like a pine tree.  There’s really no other way to put it.  The texture, the color, the shape.  Catherine must have still been in a Christmasy mood.

Christina Aguilera

Is there a piece of this dress missing?  It looks like a fancy slip or maybe a doily from a coffee table.  It’s also the least-flattering dress I saw all night.  Gaudy and not good.

 

Heidi Klum and Seal

For a fashion model and host of “Project Runway,” Heidi consistently looks awful on the red carpet.  This year she decided to go for a print that screamed, “I look like an ugly Liz Claiborne purse that’s been sitting on the shelf at Macy’s since 1989.”  As for Seal… the suit’s shiny, messy and paired with a pair of nasty looking brown shoes that clash with the black of his suit.

January Jones

I like the flapper look that January is trying to pull off, but it shows too much skin.  The cut-outs on the bust are pointless and distracting.  She looks like Thoroughly Modern Millie in very ancient Greece.

Michelle Williams

Another disappointment from another celeb who usually looks great.  The flowers look like they were cut off of a Wal-Mart baby doll dress in the mid-’90s and pasted haphazardly onto a shower curtain.  Her hair looks great, though.

Halle Berry

“Yeah,  I just took this corset-y lingerie from Victoria’s Secret and sewed on some see-through black fabric and… yeah, that’s my Golden Globes dress.”

 

Worst Dressed at the 82nd Academy Awards

Worst Dressed

Charlize Theron

Seriously?  Seriously?!  It looks like Miss Piggy is groping her from behind.  Oh, Charlize!  You have boobs?!  Thanks for drawing so much attention to them!  We had NO IDEA!

Diane Kruger

I wouldn’t hate this one so much if it wasn’t for the layers.  She looks like a three-tiered wedding cake, and each cake is separated by a layer of black icing.  At least it’s a step up from her hot pink Golden Globes monstrosity… which I also compared to a cake.  Hmm…