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I actually don’t have many entries to make here!  I’m so upset that this is the last chance I have to get my snark on during awards season, and I have so few targets to choose from.  I guess I’ll do my best with what I have.

Sharon Stone

“Oh, hey girlfriend, I think a vulture molted on your shoulder.  You might want to look into that.”  She kind of looks like she wants to steal a litter of puppies and make a fur coat out of them.

Russell Brand

Okay, I know I said last time that I love it when guys take chances on the red carpet AND when they wear navy tuxes.  So you’d think I’d be over the moon for this ensemble, right?  But no.  It’s the plaid that kills me.  He looks like a fancy lumberjack, like Paul Bunyan’s hipster brother.

Helena Bonham Carter

Helena, isn’t being with Tim Burton enough to prove your goth cred?  Must you always be wearing something crazy, black, and/or velour?  And the fan?  I just can’t.  She looks like her dress is made out of the lining of a jewelry box.

Christian Bale

Bale kind of looked like a stiff undertaker.  I hate the black-on-black-on-black look that some guys gravitate towards on the red carpet.  He’s got a black jacket over a black vest over a black shirt with a black tie.  Jesus, Marilyn Manson, we GET it.  Plus there’s the red beard, which makes him look like young Kris Kringle in that old Rankin-Bass movie, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”  But at least he combed his hair this time so he doesn’t look as homeless.

Gwyneth Paltrow

When asked who designed her gown, Gwyneth replied, “Reynolds Wrap.”

Melissa Leo

Did you know Melissa Leo is a Transformer?  Yeah, at the end of the night, she’ll transform back into a doily and return to her rightful home on your grandma’s coffee table.

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I think there were a lot of wonderful looks last night on the red carpet and during the show.  It was pretty consistently good, and some people took some risks that I think paid off in spades.

Anne Hathaway

Whatever you think of Anne Hathaway the Host, she (mostly) killed it this year as Anne Hathaway the Dresser.  This Armani Prive gown she wore during the broadcast is a stunning blue jewel tone, and much different than anything other ladies had on that night.  I also love the off-the-shoulder look.

Sandra Bullock

Red complements Sandra’s hair color and skin tone, and this Vera Wang gown did the job very nicely.  It’s subtle, but with a great shape.

Hailee Steinfeld

For a red carpet newbie, Hailee has been killing it this awards season, opting for dresses that are age-appropriate but not childish.  The pink hue of this Marchesa dress is young, girly and fun.  I love the textured skirt with the light pattern.  Also, she opted to wear Chuck Taylors with the gown for the after parties, which is basically the cutest thing ever.

Mila Kunis

This romantic, ethereal lavender Elie Saab gown went perfectly with Mila’s dark hair.  I love the touch of lace at the bodice, and the texture of the whole thing. Read the rest of this entry »

Olivia Wilde

It looks like she’s wearing a galaxy.  I love the big poofy skirt on it.  In a sea of beige and tan, this dress definitely stood out.

Anne Hathaway

I was kind of split on this dress at first, but ultimately, the texture of it and the sleeves won me over.  Long sleeves were a trend on the red carpet this year, and Anne worked them well.  The color suits her well, too.

Angelina Jolie

Usually Angie wears shapeless sack dresses in boring colors like black or beige.  I like that she switched it up this year in a lively green, and like Anne, she made a good choice with the long sleeves.

Julia Stiles

Not a dress I saw on many lists – best dressed or otherwise – but I really loved Julia’s get-up.  It’s got a great shape, and she picked a perfect year to wear black (usually it’d be overdone, but this time around it was actually a stand-out).  It’s delightfully simple with just a smidge of texture.

Alex Pettyfer

I love a guy in a well-tailored suit, and British up-and-comer Alex really nailed it this time.  I hate seeing guys in baggy suit pants and jackets that swallow them up.  I also love the casual simplicity of the one button jacket.

Hailee Steinfeld

It’s tough when kids have to dress up for the red carpet.  They have to look elegant but not like they’re playing dress-up, they can’t be childish but they can’t be dressed too provocatively either.  True Grit star Hailee did a great job of ticking all those boxes.  I love the texture on her gown and even the color – it actually doesn’t look like a wedding dress!  Miley Cyrus could learn a thing or two.

Jayma Mays

It’s not so much that I ABSOLUTELY ADORE this dress or anything.  It’s a nice dress – slinky but classy, textured and layered.  But I really love the whole look.  With the beading on the dress and the shape, and her hairstyle and make-up, Jayma looks like she stepped out of an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel.  This is the look January Jones was going for, but didn’t obtain.

Dianna Agron

Dianna was one of the many who wore a light, almost nude color on the red carpet, but she was one of the few who pulled it off.  The color complements her hair color and skin tone.  Her hair and make-up look great.  It’s just a nice ensemble.

Kyra Sedgwick

I’m shocked to be typing this, but I was very fond of the color of this gown.  It stood out like a beacon on the red carpet.  The ruffly, casual quality of the garment gave it an air of the bohemian.  Very nice.

Zachary Levi

Zachary made this outfit stand out with the vest.  Not many guys can rock a three-piece suit, but he pulls it off well.  Men would do well to learn that layers are always a good thing.

Mandy Moore

I just realized how much this dress actually reminds me of my prom dress.  I swear that’s not why I like it, though – I hated prom.  The color is great and looks good with her hair, the skirt is light and ethereal.  A great look, in general.

Leighton Meester

Rarely can someone rock a patterned gown, but the fabric of Leighton’s dress is so lightly patterned, it’s barely noticeable.  Instead, it gives it a stand-out quality.  Again, I’m loving the long sleeves.  I wouldn’t mind seeing more of that at the Oscars.

Robert Pattinson

R-Pattz scored so many points in my book with this ensemble.  His hair looks washed!  His suit fits wonderfully!  AND IT’S NAVY BLUE, BUT NOT OBNOXIOUSLY SO!  Good job, vampire boy.

Mila Kunis

Unlike Catherine Zeta-Jones, Mila rocks the green without looking like a Christmas tree.  It’s simple, but the texture adds a nice dimension to it, and the green is just gorgeous.  I’m also almost always a fan of the one-shoulder strap, asymmetrical look.

Colin Firth

Colin Firth is often one of the classiest male dressers on the red carpet, even more so since he paired up with Tom Ford.  The jeweled buttons on the shirt, the sleek lapels, and the pocket square all make this tux a unique one.  He accessorized too, as well.

This year, the red carpet was a hot mess.  Let’s check out who wore the messiest of the hot messes.

Sandra Bullock

Everything about this look appears to be drooping or heading south.  The dress is saggy, it’s a boring color.  Her bangs are hanging down in her face.  She killed it almost every time last awards season, but this year was a disappointment.

Julie Bowen

I actually kind of like the structure of this gown.  However, I hate how ragged those little “flowers” around the skirt and the bust line look.  Like a bunch of wadded tissue.  Then there’s the color and pattern of the material.  It looks like the upholstery on a Goodwill couch.

Kevin McHale

Kevin always tries to go the extra mile to stand out on the red carpet.  Usually his choices are edgy but just classy enough to make him look dapper.  Not this time.  The polka dots on shiny material that make up the suit jacket are tacky tacky tacky.  Looks like he got a bottle of White-Out thrown at him.

Helena Bonham-Carter

Helena looking crazy, what’s new, right?  This outfit has multiple personalities – the top is a different print than the skirt, the shoes are different colors.  It’s not just unique, it’s insane.  She looks like the Wicked Witch of the Vivienne Westwood.

Natalie Portman

I was excited to see how the very fashionable Natalie would handle maternity wear on the red carpet.  It was a let-down, to say the least.  A bland ivory dress with a garish rose at the bust?  Not only is it boring, it’s ugly as sin and it kind of reminds me of a grocery store cake.

Emma Stone

This one was particularly disappointing, for me.  I love Emma.  But not only was her blonde hair a shocker (and it made me have Lindsay Lohan flashbacks), but she combined two of the biggest (blandest) trends on the red carpet this year – sleeves and a peach/beige color – to make one ugly outfit.  The color barely even registered on my television.  She looked like a nude smudge.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Girlfriend looked like a pine tree.  There’s really no other way to put it.  The texture, the color, the shape.  Catherine must have still been in a Christmasy mood.

Christina Aguilera

Is there a piece of this dress missing?  It looks like a fancy slip or maybe a doily from a coffee table.  It’s also the least-flattering dress I saw all night.  Gaudy and not good.

 

Heidi Klum and Seal

For a fashion model and host of “Project Runway,” Heidi consistently looks awful on the red carpet.  This year she decided to go for a print that screamed, “I look like an ugly Liz Claiborne purse that’s been sitting on the shelf at Macy’s since 1989.”  As for Seal… the suit’s shiny, messy and paired with a pair of nasty looking brown shoes that clash with the black of his suit.

January Jones

I like the flapper look that January is trying to pull off, but it shows too much skin.  The cut-outs on the bust are pointless and distracting.  She looks like Thoroughly Modern Millie in very ancient Greece.

Michelle Williams

Another disappointment from another celeb who usually looks great.  The flowers look like they were cut off of a Wal-Mart baby doll dress in the mid-’90s and pasted haphazardly onto a shower curtain.  Her hair looks great, though.

Halle Berry

“Yeah,  I just took this corset-y lingerie from Victoria’s Secret and sewed on some see-through black fabric and… yeah, that’s my Golden Globes dress.”

 

Worst Dressed

Charlize Theron

Seriously?  Seriously?!  It looks like Miss Piggy is groping her from behind.  Oh, Charlize!  You have boobs?!  Thanks for drawing so much attention to them!  We had NO IDEA!

Diane Kruger

I wouldn’t hate this one so much if it wasn’t for the layers.  She looks like a three-tiered wedding cake, and each cake is separated by a layer of black icing.  At least it’s a step up from her hot pink Golden Globes monstrosity… which I also compared to a cake.  Hmm… Read the rest of this entry »

Best Dressed

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda’s ethereal gown luckily avoided the “wedding gown” trope that happens when starts choose white for the red carpet.  An uber-simple gown, the most complex aspect of this ensemble is the understated texture of the material it’s made with.

Cameron Diaz

Cameron had a pretty, easy look going on last night.  Her golden gown fit in well, as gold was one of the “trendy” colors of the evening.  With the flowy hair and red lipstick, her whole looked harkened back to old Hollywood.  Usually sparkly embellishments on gowns are something I have an aversion to, but it works well here. Read the rest of this entry »

Best Dressed Ladies

Marion Cotillard

I ADORE the color of this dress, and I love the structured intricacy of the top of the gown.  I don’t even mind the slit with the black lace peeking through.

Ginnifer Goodwin

The cocktail length dress is my favorite, particularly for the Golden Globes (it’s a little too casual for the Oscars, in my opinion).  This one is the perfect length, and I like that it tapers towards the bottom – it gives it a good silhouette.  The color is also vibrant and awesome.  One of my favorites from the evening.

Read the rest of this entry »

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