To Write Love on Her Arms is a “non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.” They exist “to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.” What’s funny is that I’m just now finding out about them, despite the fact that I’ve been in and out of therapy for depression for about a decade now.
I appreciate their general message, which is, “You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you’re part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.” That’s great. I’d love to hear that coming from an actual person who cared about me. But how do they go about facilitating and spreading this message (assuming that they do at all, considering that I never heard a thing about it)?
Well, I know they sell merchandise, so you can buy a shirt that says, “I care about your depression,” basically. In fact, this is how the organization began, with a group of kids selling shirts to raise money to get therapy for a friend who was struggling with some mental issues. I think that’s awesome, too.
I’m not too pleased with what I see on their website, though, and what I know about their organization. I don’t like this trend of commercializing issues, like pink bracelets, shoes, blenders, shirts, dishes, cheese graters, socks, etc., for breast cancer. It’s great that you want to give to an organization, it really is. But must you get something in return? Why can’t we just give to do something nice, to support a cause we supposedly care about? We don’t need to receive a shirt or a bracelet in return so that we can wear it around and say, “I care that some women get breast cancer,” or “I care that some kids get depressed.” Where’s the humility in all that?
From what I can tell, the To Write Love on Her Arms movement is very much tied up in the music scene, particularly with (*cough* reallycrappy *cough*) psuedo-Christian rock bands like Switchfoot and Anberlin. They support the cause and encourage their fans to do the same. Here’s my problem with that: I don’t want people feeling obligated to fake “care” about my mental issues because some awful band told them to. I don’t want their support to become clouded by or to completely rely on their love of that band. I don’t want it to just become a form of showing their allegiance instead of actually caring. I worry that depression, suicidal thoughts and self-injury have become a source of credibility in some circles. It makes you more “hardcore.” They’re really not issues to be fetishized or appropriated by people who want to “rock” harder. What a great way to say, “I’m not taking your problems seriously!”
I feel like we’re creating this strange world of commercialized philanthropy. We’re consumers, so why not tack on some charity just to make ourselves feel good? To make us feel like we actually did something worthwhile, and we didn’t even have to try? When did charity and caring about the issues become so selfish? It’s all about appearances now. For example, we’ve all seen those Facebook statuses about what color a woman’s bra is, or where she likes to put her purse. Supposedly this is to raise awareness for breast cancer. I don’t get it either. I bet maybe 1% of the people who post these things have actually given to the cause of breast cancer awareness. I think most people are aware of breast cancer. But that doesn’t mean they’re giving money or time to the cause, and that’s the real issue. The same goes for depression. TWLOHA sponsors a day when those interested in their “cause” (a.k.a. “the people who follow them on Facebook”) will write the word “love” on their arms, like so:
Don’t you feel more aware of the issues I and other depressed people face now? And, bonus points, because these kiddos and their Magic Markers get to feel like they actually did something non-selfish for once. But not really. What this does is draw attention to THEM, the the words on their arms. It doesn’t blatantly have anything to do with depression, just like a Facebook status about my bra or my purse has nothing to do with breast cancer. I don’t look at this and feel that people care about my problems. I don’t see a bunch of people who would like to hear about my depression, who would listen without feeling uncomfortable if I told them about the times I was on the ledge. I look at this and see a bunch of people who want to feel like they did something charitable, but don’t want to put time, effort, or money into it. I look at this and see a bunch of kids who probably enjoy the attention they get for having scribblings on their arms for a day. Sure, I’m making assumptions about these people. But they’re not doing anything blatantly proactive, and I’m mad.
I’m not even asking that they give money. We’re all poor, I get it. I’m not asking that they volunteer at a youth shelter or even hand out pamphlets on the sidewalk. But we can do so much more than write a word on our forearms. Why don’t you look at your own social life and the way you treat people? How can you know that the girl you ignored in class today doesn’t have depression? How can you be sure that the clumsy boy you laughed at in the hall isn’t suicidal? If you must make these issues about yourself, then turn a critical eye on your interpersonal relationships and social interactions. Reach out to a lonely person, and try not to act like you’re a saint for doing it. Reprimand a friend if they tease someone. Listen to your friend’s problems. Put a stop to meanness, in general. Be kind and respectful. Don’t stop at writing a word on your arm, or a Facebook status about bras. Go one step further to say you actually care.
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December 2, 2010 at 5:05 AM
Copper
The commercialisation of philanthropy, as you put it, is something I see as an “ends justify the means” kind of thing. I mean, people who’d donate will donate anyway, and if they can raise additional funds via merchandising, why not? Hell, all charitable organisations could use more money, and 9 times out of 10, the people buying this merchandise would spend this money somewhere anyway, so why not give them an incentive to donate, right? Yes, they don’t truly care, but the truth is, they never cared. It’s just that never caring used to mean never donating as well. This way, money comes in even if care doesn’t.
As to the so-called awareness campaigns run by facebook, I’m still not entirely sure how they work. We all know breast cancer and depression exist and are serious problems. I’m not exactly being hit with a revelation on how deadly breast cancer is when I discover that my coworker wears a green bra. So what is their purpose, exactly? I mean, what’s the end goal, what’s considered a success for these campaigns? Until I can figure them out (and most likely after that too) I’m in full agreement with you.
December 2, 2010 at 6:41 AM
leeraloo
The real issue with the commercialization of things like that, especially with breast cancer, is that you can’t be entirely sure that the profits will actually go to any sort of breast cancer foundation. It’s become that much of a fad to make things “pink” for breast cancer, that companies can probably count on selling things just because they supposedly benefit breast cancer. But we don’t know if it’s legit. Sure, it’s not a perfect world, but I think people should ask themselves why they need attention when they give to charity, or why they need to get something in return. Because giving 100% to a charity is better than giving 10% to a charity, and 90% to a t-shirt company so you can have something that says, “I support breast cancer research,” or what have you. If you really supported it, you’d give 100%.
December 5, 2010 at 3:12 AM
Jen
I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it until now…they’ve done tons of events on campus for it.
But well said, nevertheless. It’s just like the “turn your profile pic into a cartoon from your childhood to bring awareness to child abuse….” thing going on on FB right now. Umm not sure what “awareness” is going to do when a kid gets beaten in the privacy of his home.
Unfortunately, most people don’t care about an issue unless or until it affects them personally in some way.
December 5, 2010 at 9:52 PM
leeraloo
I’ve heard of it before, but it was recently, like last year, when I first heard of it.
I think it’s a pandemic. People are into this whole “slacktivism” thing, so they can pretend they’re making a difference by doing something so mind-boggingly easy. It just eases their guilt, but has no real effect.
December 19, 2010 at 4:01 PM
K Wills
I think the merchandise is good. I might never have known of TWLOHA had I not seen someone with a shirt that had ‘To Write Love On Her Arm” written across it. Seeing the shirt motivated me to Google it and learn more about it.
While some will buy the stuff simply to show off that they “care” I like to believe most get the items to make others aware that the organization exists.
December 23, 2010 at 10:51 AM
Gio Andollo
Hey there,
I really appreciate your perspective. I was a part of the community that helped launch TWLOHA in Orlando. Being a freegan myself, thereby incredibly wary of consumerism/commercialism in general, I have also had my moments of skepticism and reticence over the years. I was always surrounded by those t-shirts and wondered where the money was going and what good they were REALLY doing. I never bought their merchandise myself, mostly for lack of funds, but I did/do support the organization in those less tangible ways – I really do care (never felt the need to wear their slogan accross my chest to advertise it). That being said, I don’t think there’s any reason to assume that the folks wearing these shirts are not also doing the things you described in your last paragraph.
One can only hope that the t-shirts really are serving their intended purpose. Perhaps more important, I would think, is whether the money is being spent wisely. I didn’t know them personally, but I was only one degree of separation away from the folks who run TWLOHA. They seem to be pretty legit – after following them for several years, I have seen a lot of the good that they have accomplished in the lives of depressed, suicidal, and addicted kids.
Thanks again for your post. And for caring.
Peace, friend.
December 23, 2010 at 3:27 PM
leeraloo
Thank you for your comment and the information on the organization. I don’t mean to underestimate the important task that is raising awareness for an issue. It was more an opportunity for me to wonder at why it is that modern American society has to have some sort of motivation for doing good deeds, whether they get a product or attention in return. But I suppose if a TWLOHA shirt ever saved just one life, then the whole thing is definitely worth it.