I was looking through a bunch of quotes today (I have to find a “favorite” quote for a bio on our lit journal’s website).  I haven’t decided which one I will use yet, but here are a few favorites.

“Making people laugh is not hard.  The difficult part is pretending not to care when people laugh at your expense and not at your bidding.” –Christopher Walken

“The road to success is always under construction.” –Lily Tomlin

“Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.” –Lily Tomlin

“Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest — then we can all die laughing.” –Lily Tomlin (she is surprisingly insightful).

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.” –Jack Handey

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” –Bill Cosby

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”  –Groucho Marx

“Some mornings, it’s just not work chewing through the leather straps.” –Emo Philips

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and just laugh at people.” –Jack Handey

“If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that’s all I have to say.” –Jack Handey

“Here’s a good trick:  Get a job, as a judge at the Olympics.  Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn’t see it and go, ‘Okay, is everybody ready to start now?'” –Jack Handey

“I love going down to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don’t know I’m using blanks.” –Jack Handey

“If you rob a bank, and your pants fall down, it’s okay to laugh.  And let your hostages laugh too because, come on, life is funny.” –Jack Handey (the guy’s hysterical)

“Live every week like it’s shark week.” –Tracy Jordan (played by Tracy Morgan on “30 Rock”)

Now I just have to decide which one I like the most…