I did this on an application on Facebook and decided to write a bit about it, too. I only did five on Facebook, but I think I’ll do more here.
1.) Miley Cyrus
She can’t sing. I hate her singing voice AND her speaking voice. She’s a spoiled brat. She told Radiohead she would “ruin them” because they didn’t want to meet her after the Grammy’s (go Radiohead!). She’s way too skanky for a 15 year old (she has a 20-year old, underwear model, live-in boyfriend; see also: those whorish pictures she’s fond of taking). She wrote an autobiography at the ripe old age of 15. She has no redeeming qualities. I hate her.
2.) Stephenie Meyer
She is such an awful writer. Her Twilight series has way too many adverbs. She even made up a few of her own: I flipped through the book once and found the word “unseeingly.” Then, I went to dictionary.com and typed the word in. It doesn’t exist. Also, she wouldn’t know feminism if it hit her in the face, she created one of the dullest female characters in all of Western literature, and one of the creepiest “prince charming” characters of all time. She needs to learn what a healthy relationship is, because the ones she writes about are anything but normal.
3.) Carson Daly
He used to be normal looking, now he’s alien-esque. I’m pretty sure he’s manorexic. Why someone thought to give this tool his own late night talk show, I will never understand. It’s a train wreck. It’s not funny, and after so many years on air (and the connections he made on TRL), he still can’t get guests on that are more than D-list. He’s just not likable and not charismatic and not funny, which, ironically, are three things that all good talk show hosts must possess. Why hasn’t he been cancelled yet?
4.) Ann Coulter
I can’t talk about this psychotic woman too long, or I might black out from rage. Let’s just say that there has never been, and will never be, a person more deluded, insane, or inherently awful as Ann Coulter.
Oh… well, there was Hitler.
5.) Carlos Mencia
This man is not funny. He is a joke stealer. He is annoying. HE IS NOT FUNNY. How can you steal jokes from other comedians and be SO awful, that you ruin even the jokes you stole?
6.) Dr. Phil
I hate this man so, so much. He’s a fat, walking walrus who thinks he can give other people weight-loss advice. He’s not a doctor of psychology, and yet he somehow has the experience to offer people advice? The advice he gives is awful, and on more than one occasion, I’ve found him to be a narrow-minded sexist. I’m glad he’s becoming less and less relevant.
7.) Ben Lyons
Look at that stupid smile. He unhinges his jaw like he’s going to suck the soul out of people who actually have good taste in movies. He’s a “movie critic” who got his job almost purely through nepotism (dad is critic Jeffrey Lyons). He has awful taste and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. At all. I’ve also heard that he can be paid to say nice things about a movie. What a hack. And yet, for some reason, he’s become one of the most omnipresent film critics around, with gigs on E! and “At the Movies,” Ebert and Roeper’s old show. He’s also prone to getting friendly with celebrities, which manifests itself in him giving his pals good reviews (especially if they’ll let him in their movies). God, I hate him.