I actually don’t have many entries to make here!  I’m so upset that this is the last chance I have to get my snark on during awards season, and I have so few targets to choose from.  I guess I’ll do my best with what I have.

Sharon Stone

“Oh, hey girlfriend, I think a vulture molted on your shoulder.  You might want to look into that.”  She kind of looks like she wants to steal a litter of puppies and make a fur coat out of them.

Russell Brand

Okay, I know I said last time that I love it when guys take chances on the red carpet AND when they wear navy tuxes.  So you’d think I’d be over the moon for this ensemble, right?  But no.  It’s the plaid that kills me.  He looks like a fancy lumberjack, like Paul Bunyan’s hipster brother.

Helena Bonham Carter

Helena, isn’t being with Tim Burton enough to prove your goth cred?  Must you always be wearing something crazy, black, and/or velour?  And the fan?  I just can’t.  She looks like her dress is made out of the lining of a jewelry box.

Christian Bale

Bale kind of looked like a stiff undertaker.  I hate the black-on-black-on-black look that some guys gravitate towards on the red carpet.  He’s got a black jacket over a black vest over a black shirt with a black tie.  Jesus, Marilyn Manson, we GET it.  Plus there’s the red beard, which makes him look like young Kris Kringle in that old Rankin-Bass movie, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”  But at least he combed his hair this time so he doesn’t look as homeless.

Gwyneth Paltrow

When asked who designed her gown, Gwyneth replied, “Reynolds Wrap.”

Melissa Leo

Did you know Melissa Leo is a Transformer?  Yeah, at the end of the night, she’ll transform back into a doily and return to her rightful home on your grandma’s coffee table.

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